“When Job’s three
friends … heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set
out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with
him and comfort him. … They sat on the ground with him for seven days
and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how
great his suffering was” (Job 2:11,13).
If you see someone, be someone
Renae’s life had crashed in an
instant. She had thought her husband was her soulmate, and her son had been her
pride and joy. But in midlife, her
husband, Randy, had an affair. She wanted
to preserve their marriage, but now it seemed like a thousand-piece puzzle with
no guide for aligning all the jagged edges. Then her adult son, Danny, was
diagnosed with AIDS. He’d had HIV for a couple years before symptoms started to
show. He hadn’t been one to do regular medical checkups, so the disease wasn’t
discovered until his health began to deteriorate. The onset of AIDS also became
the first time Danny told his parents that he was gay. He knew they held
traditional views and would have a hard time accepting who he really was.
Indeed, Renae did have problems
coming to terms with her son’s situation, as well as her husband’s infidelity.
She wanted healing with Randy, but couldn’t stop herself from picking and
gouging at the scabs of the hurt that existed between them. Her heart ached
over Danny’s suffering, but she couldn’t bring herself to be at his side. She
felt alienated from both her husband and her son.
Always an active church member,
Renae felt cut off from her spiritual community too. No one called. No one
stopped by—except her pastor.
“I don’t understand, Pastor Kim,”
Reneae said. “I thought the people at church were my friends. It’s like I’m
suddenly an outcast.”
“They tell me they don’t know
what to say or do,” Pastor Kim responded. “I’ve urged them to come see you, to
be with you—even if they don’t have all the answers. I don’t have all the
answers either. Sometimes what the Lord wants us to learn from life’s struggles
isn’t easy to see.”
“It seems all God wants is to
punish me and give me trouble.”
“That’s not how God is. God is
with us in our suffering, and wants us to be with one another in suffering. Speaking
of which … how is Danny doing? Have you had opportunity to spend time with him?”
Renae stared at the floor. “I don’t know what to say to him,” she said.
“It’s less about what you say and
more about being there for each other. Danny needs your love, and you need his
love too.”
“But … but he’s not who I thought
he was,” she stammered.
“I reckon God as our Parent could
say that about all of us—children who are different from what he envisioned for
us. Or, as Isaiah described, we’re like sheep who ‘have gone astray, each of us
has turned to our own way’ (Isaiah 53:6). But God came to be with us. Jesus
came to walk alongside us and was willing to carry our sorrows and infirmities.
‘He took up our pain and bore our suffering’ (Isaiah 53:4), and all our sins
were laid upon him. This is not a time
to withhold your love from your son, Renae. There’s never such a time.”
“I guess all three of us need to
try to understand each other and lean on each other,” Renae acknowledged. “Randy
has been more supportive to Danny than I’ve been. He’s been spending time with
Danny.”
“If there’s room in your heart to
forgive Randy, I believe there’s room in your heart to be the mother your son
needs.”
 |
| Job and His Friends by Ilya Repin [Public domain] |
That Sunday, Pastor Kim addressed
the congregation with a sermon about the friends of Job:
“Job’s friends came to him after
his life had collapsed all around him. They didn’t really know what to say. In
fact, as time went on, they said many of the wrong things. Read Job’s story if
you want lessons on what not to say
to someone in a crisis. But at least Job’s friends came. They cared enough to
come and sit with him. They sat in the dirt for seven straight days before they
attempted to say anything. Those days sitting on the ground beside their friend
were perhaps the best way to offer compassion and comfort. This short life is
long on problems. And in our problems, we need people to come and be with us—the
way God himself came to be with us in our problem-plagued world.
“You’ve heard the expression, ‘If
you see something, say something,’ referring to signs there may be trouble or a
threat to safety. I have a similar message for you today. If you see someone,
be someone. When you see someone who is
hurting, be someone who goes to that person. Be someone willing to sit in the
dirt with someone who has been crushed down to the ground. Be someone who
cares, someone who rebuilds and befriends. Be Christ to your neighbor, entering
into their suffering, bringing compassion and hope.”
That week, Renae was visited by a
number of her church friends. And Renae and Randy and Danny began reconnecting
as a family. Things didn’t get easier, but they faced the challenges together.
DISCUSSION THOUGHTS:
- Do you know someone who could use an encouraging word, or just the encouragement of your presence? When will you reach out to them?
- If you need encouragement, who is someone that you can ask to come and sit in the dirt with you?
BIBLE PORTION TO READ:
Job chapter 2
PRAYER:
Lord, give
us friends when we need friends, and move us to befriend others when they need
us. In Jesus, who came to suffer with us. Amen.
