Women and Men in Relationship under Christ

When I began this blog a couple months ago, it was to give voice to what I considered an important thought from a young woman who struggled through a relationship.  She had dated a man who didn't understand what God wants of men as they relate to women.  This week, we return to that theme, this time with a letter from another young woman, writing to her sister about what to seek in relationships.

The Electric Gospel

A Letter to My Sister

Author’s name withheld by request

I need to tell you that I am sorry. You have endured countless trials over the last few years, and I have seen how hard each one has been for you. But I will be the first to admit that I have not always been there for you during the rough times. Even when I was present, I didn’t provide the support and comfort that you needed at the time. I wasn’t always willing or able to share your burdens, because I didn’t understand how you ended up in many of those situations.  I thought I knew what was best for you. I just couldn’t comprehend why you couldn’t see things the way I did. I wanted you to stop being so depressed. Instead of listening to you, understanding what you felt and discovering your needs, I tried to cheer you up. I tried to distract you and show you where to go next. When it comes down to it, I made it all about me.

            It never should have been that way. I am sorry that I failed to sit with you, let you cry and listen to you. I’m sorry that I tried to fix you instead of help you.

            Lately I have been working very hard to listen to you. I mean really listen to what you say and what you truly mean--rather than what I think you should mean. What I want to tell you now speaks to what is truly on your heart and mind. I am not telling you this because I just want the crying to stop or because I somehow need to say this for myself. I am telling you these things because I truly care about you and your future relationships.

            I know you have trouble believing what the Bible has to say about women submitting to their husbands.  Christ’s apostle said, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).  You say that it shouldn’t be that way, because women should be equal to men. Women shouldn’t be held back or forced to go down the wrong road because of bum husbands. You think that a woman should be strong and independent.

While I don’t agree with your assertion that the Bible contains an error regarding this issue, I can understand where you are coming from. You have dated men who don’t respect you the way they should, who don’t understand your needs as a woman and who fail to value your unique gifts and perspectives. On top of that, all around us we see men who simply don’t live up to God’s expectations for their lives. In turn, we see women who pay for it.

            I think there is a lot we are forgetting about here. Remember that the Bible has something to say to men, too. Paul also wrote in one of his letters, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

            Just as Christ loved the church.

            Wow. Christ loved the church a LOT. Christ left heaven to live among sinful human beings. He was eventually tortured and killed by the very humans he came to redeem. He suffered hell on the cross when God left him completely alone with the sins of the entire world on his shoulders.

          Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

When the Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write these words, the intention wasn’t that women would go out and marry men that would control and oppress them. The intention was that God’s children would model their lives, attitudes and relationships around the model of Jesus Christ and his beloved, the church. Christ is the head of the church. He leads his sheep. He listens to them. He does what is best for them. He gave his life for them.

Of course, we don’t find this in our imperfect world. Far too often we encounter men who abuse their wives. We see men who push their wives around and take advantage of them. Many husbands simply fail to provide their wives with the attention, leadership, respect and sensitivity that they should.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. I want you to look for a man who models his life after Christ. This man will lead you in the way that is best for you. He will respect you and listen to you. He will strive to understand you and your needs. In turn, you will respect him and support him. You will encourage him and help him be the leader God has designed him to be. You will submit to him as we submit to Christ.

He still won’t be perfect. You still won’t be perfect. But I urge you to look to Christ. Ask the Spirit for strength during the good times and the bad. Use God’s Word as a model for your lives together. God will be with you as you live together the way he intended, and you will be greatly blessed!

I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I promise to listen to you. I promise to help when you want it, not when I think you need it. I promise to do what I can to be a better sister and a better friend.