Forgive and forget

by Annalisa Schuette

            How long can you hold a grudge? If you’re anything like me, a grudge can be held for a long time. Some grudges are even held so long that the people involved have forgotten what it’s about.

You hear the phrase “forgive and forget” everywhere, but what does it mean? You might wonder how you can do this. God’s Word tells us how; he responds: “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Jeremiah 31:34). God is speaking about the Israelites in this passage. God continually forgave the Israelites, even after they turned away time after time. Yes, he disciplined them, even sending them into exile.  But his aim always was loving and caring for them.  He promised to forget their sin. The same God who is omniscient somehow forgets sin. We, as Christians, ought to follow this example, but it is so difficult for us as sinful human beings to forget the sins of others. We enjoy the feeling of power that we have dangling someone’s sin in front of them. We hold people’s sins against us over them. We feel better about ourselves comparing our sins to theirs.

This is not what God wants us to do. In Ephesians, Paul tells us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).  If we truly forgive someone, we have already forgotten the sin. There is no more bringing up of past offenses. No revenge is planned. You no longer feel anger towards the person or about the event. Forgiveness is a gift from God, so precious that Christ died on the cross to give it to us. We will treat it as the precious gift that it is and not take it for granted. Jesus said, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). God wants us to forgive others.

This is does not mean however, that we should allow ourselves to be taken advantage of. In Genesis, we learn about Joseph. Joseph was abused by his brothers. Yet when they came to him for help, he gave them the aid they needed, but he did not tell them who he truly was. He tested them first. He made them prove that they cared for Benjamin, the youngest brother. When Joseph’s servants found his silver cup in Benjamin’s bag, Judah begged that he be taken as a slave instead of Benjamin. The brothers proved their repentance with actions. Then Joseph had a joyful reunion with his brothers. He forgave them for their sins against him and provided for them.

            God does not want us to be abused and walked all over because we forgive and forget when the offender is not truly repentant of his or her sins. We want to bring offenders to repentance so that they change their ways. We deserve to be respected. We want to see a change of heart. But when we see that others are truly repentant and have changed their ways, then we will forgive and forget.

            Stop holding grudges and ask God to help you forgive. He has forgiven you for so many sins, so you can forgive those who have sinned against you. Don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of, but don’t hold sins against others. Reflect the love that God has shown you.