A cry from the depths of one's heart

During these summer weeks, The Electric Gospel is featuring items written by participants in the summer 2014 Devotional Writing workshop.  This week, Carl Heling shares with us a prayer from his heart, leaning on God in the midst of frustrations with life.  His lament echoes what psalmists have cried -- and what our own hearts often feel.

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A Prayer, a Lament – From my Heart to God

by Carl Heling

O Lord, God, maker and preserver of all things, hear me as I come to you. Listen to my cry.  As I sit here pondering on my life, I realize time and again how wretched and lowly and poor a human being I am.  Surely, I do not deserve the gracious blessings you have given to me nor to be called your child, but you still do so continually.  Oh, how my heart can’t fathom your love!  

As I lie here, I feel lost in a world of chaos and uncertainty.  Every day I labor and toil long hours to make a dollar, pay the bills, help the family, go to school, and give to church.  I do so with my best effort, knowing that it is my duty to do so as a citizen and member of the family and because that is what you desire from your children.  Yet I am unhappy, full of grief and pain.  I am disappointed and uncomfortable with myself and my doings.  Things never seem right or good enough.  I could have done this better.  I should have done that better.  O Lord, my heart is plagued and overrun with grief and pain on account of the sins and failures I commit every day of my life!

As I sit here, Lord, every day feels so futile.  I feel lost and powerless in this large world of chaos.  I don’t know how I am to best serve you with the unique talents and abilities that you have given to me. “Utterly meaningless!  Everything is meaningless (Ecclesiastes 1:1).  I am filled with urgent desire for knowing your Word, and yet despite that still find myself feeling as if everything I do is useless and fruitless.  And so I am filled with grief and sorrow.  Along with this, I feel sorrow on account of always feeling grief and sorrow!  I sorrow for the things I should or could have done better.  I grieve over all the sins and failures I have done in my everyday tasks.  And I sorrow and grieve about how much I sorrow and grieve.

Oh, how I long to be with you and with all the saints in heaven!  Heal this broken and plagued heart and mind of mine, Lord.  Invigorate my mind, body, and spirit with your strength and grace.  Forgive me of all my sins and failures and lead me to do better.  Ultimately, give me true, godly wisdom and understanding, as well as a steadfast and true heart set on your ways and your heart.

This is my cry, O Lord.  In your mercy in Jesus, hear me.

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;

²     Lord, hear my voice.

Let your ears be attentive

    to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,

    Lord, who could stand?

⁴ But with you there is forgiveness,

    so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

⁵ I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,

    and in his word I put my hope.

⁶ I wait for the Lord

    more than watchmen wait for the morning,

    more than watchmen wait for the morning.

⁷ Israel, put your hope in the Lord,

    for with the Lord is unfailing love

    and with him is full redemption.

⁸ He himself will redeem Israel

    from all their sins.

(Psalm 130)